Tuesday, June 13, 2006

What was that?????

Sorry about yesterday, kiddies. I meant to give you a fabulous play-by-play of my scintillating life, but damnit, nothing happened.

Oh sure, I yelled at a few kids. I graded papers and snickered a bit when my aide couldn't find anything on her desk, then blamed me for moving stuff. I arranged last minute childcare for Drama Queen and made a fabulous dinner that my entire family devoured. I even grocery shopped. But really, a typical day for the educational/ domestic goddess that I am.

Last night, however, the unthinkable happened. Mr. Clairol gave me permission to put sunblock on him, at my discretion.

Last summer, my husband got it into his head that he wanted a fire pit in our back yard. SO he and my brother gathered brick and mortar and built a pit. With their shirts off. In June. In some serious sunshine. I went out and asked Mr. Clairol if he had applied sunblock, to which he stared at me and replied, "Huh?"

"Did. you. apply. sunblock?"
"No. Why?"
As I beat him over the head with a brick, I screamed, "So you don't get burned, you braindead idiot."
The last part happened only in my head. I simply shook the can and sprayed his back with the stuff. He promptly freaked out. On a major scale. See, Mr. Clairol has a abnormally sensitive back. It's really bizarre. He frequently goes shirtless because the fabric irritates him and I either buy tagless or cut out the tags on all his shirts. I don't scratch his back, I rub it with the pads of my fingers. I am so not joking.

I learned that day to never put something on my husband's back again, without warning. Unless I want to witness the bizarre, jumping, whirling dervish dance. Which, come to think of it, was pretty dang funny.Anyway, I'm digressing.

So last weekend he was working in the yard, and tinking of all the times I offered to apply sunscreen and was rebuffed, I didn't bother. Hooooo, BABY, was his back red! All Sunday, he was sore and grouchy. Yesterday, the itching started. Now the pain he can handle. "Pain is weakness leaving the body," and all that crap. But the itching? He is going mad. Serious tweakage. We tried aloe...no. We tried the benzocaine spray...no. We tried lotion...no. We even tried Benadryl. Everything I applied only seemed to aggravate the itch. He took 4 showers last night.

I finally made him take a Tylenol PM, so he would sleep. I'm buying a tub of Noxema today. We'll see what kind of dancing that provokes.


Blogger Farm Girl said...

I had to snicker too when I imagined the dance. You'll have to update us on what the Noxema causes. Yikers!

2:48 PM  
Anonymous Izzy said...

Men can be so goofy sometimes. Mine has this thing about his scars being touched, He freaks out. Even if you touch it by accident he gets all squirrely and jumpy. So weird...

10:52 PM  

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